House prices are going BANANA’s – Time to get out the brush saw.

To read the original version of this comment in the original context at Macrobusiness.com.au click this link. (link may be locked – but there is a free trial available)

A particular introduced tropical fruit is one of the most important reasons house prices in Australia have gone mad….

It is important to keep in mind that Australia is very fertile ground for a range of different BANANA varieties.

Here are a few.

Green BANANAs

The Green BANANA doesn’t want anything to be builtbecause they don’t really like humans much – so anything that stops the expansion of the human foot print is tops. They or their parents are usually well off , have good jobs and are well bred so the cost impact on low income earners of land use restrictions doesn’t bother them much.

Red BANANAs

The Red BANANA doesn’t think much of private property and thus the idea of private property owners spreading across the plains doesn’t do much for them. Instead they think all private property is theft (even if is taxed) and the state should be the landlord. Red Bananas are often found in bunches with Green Bananas in low numbered post codes and spend their time calling for more public housing.

Straight BANANAs

Straight bananas like to hang in well ordered bunches and think everyone else should as well. They believe if only the life is well planned and structured using a vast array of zones and restrictions the world would be a much better place. Straight Bananas idea of the perfect death is to be hit by a light bulb falling from the sky. Straight Bananas often disguise their straight inclinations by adopting the arguments of Red and Green Bananas. Straight Bananas simply love Canberra – but rarely live there. In fact Straight Bananas seem to like living in places built organically by very non-straight people.

Golden BANANAs

Golden Bananas know that a shortage makes what they have more valuable. The Golden Banana will claim there is plenty of houses and there is no need for more. Golden Bananas are a friendly mob and they will cuddle up to Red, Green and especially Straight Bananas at the drop of a hat.

Woody BANANAs

Woody Bananas are a bit thick and generally listen with a slack jaw to all the other Bananas prattling on and simply nod their approval to everything they say.

The cure for an infestations of exotic bananas is quite simple

1. Significantly reduce the restrictions on permitted uses of land for both developed and new land

2. Remove the demented First User Pays All approach to financing the servicing and development of new land.

Those two simple steps will keep Australia clear of exotic bananas.

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